by Tali Weisberg
Motherhood is a lifelong journey filled with moments of immense joy, deep connection, and, at times, overwhelming challenges. In Lesson 282 of Likutei Moharan, Rebbe Nachman of Breslov offers profound wisdom that, when examined through a mother’s lens, provides a spiritual framework for understanding the depth and sanctity of motherhood. Though this lesson, also known as “Azamra” is not explicitly about motherhood, its teachings on prayer, humility, and inner transformation resonate deeply with the life of a mother.
As a mother of young children, I know that when you’re in the nitty-gritty of the constant cycle of homemaking and child-rearing—when the laundry baskets almost magically refill the second they’re emptied, when everyone needs to eat dinner even though they all just ate dinner yesterday—it can feel impossible to pause, zoom out, catch your breath, and see the bigger picture. And that’s on a regular day! For families with extra challenges, special needs, or extenuating circumstances, it can sometimes feel like you’re drowning.
Rebbe Nachman says we must find the good points (nekudos tovos) in others. In family dynamics, tensions and emotions can run high. Your spouse might have done something to upset you, or maybe looked at you the wrong way, and now you’re ANGRY. Perhaps you were already hanging on by a thread, and your toddler spills something, or your teen says something that makes you snap. In moments like these, after you take a minute to calm down, try to think of one small redeeming quality about the “offender.” Maybe your husband took out the garbage or made you a cup of coffee this morning. Perhaps your toddler gave you so much nachas when she said Modeh Ani this morning. Maybe your teen helped with a younger sibling. It doesn’t have to be big—mamash the tiniest thing will do.
Why is this important? Well, if you’re anything like me, you’ve probably experienced “mom guilt” at one time or another. The yetzer hara whispers in your ear: “I only had the energy to give them cereal for dinner. I’m such a bad mother,” or “I’m exhausted at the end of the day and can’t give my husband the attention he deserves. I’m such a terrible wife.” But if you can find the good points in others, you’ll also be able to find the good points in yourself: “I FED my children today! I gave them love! I washed their clothes!” Every time you find the good points in yourself, the momentum snowballs until you truly feel like the good mother that you are.
In this lesson, Rebbe Nachman also explains that when someone consistently sees the nekudos tovos in others, they become worthy of being the shaliach tzibur—the prayer leader. How does this connect to parenthood? Think about it: when a husband and wife focus on their own good points, each other’s good points, and the good points of their children, they create an atmosphere of positivity and growth. Parenting experts often emphasize positive reinforcement, and this idea aligns perfectly. Blind yourself to the not-so-good things your family members do and focus solely on the good. Then, turn those positive traits into prayers for each of your children and your spouse.
Why is it important to be the prayer leader of your home? Rebbe Nachman continues in this lesson by teaching about the connection between simple, sincere prayer and creating a Mishkan (Tabernacle) in one’s life. Chazal (our Sages) teach that if we are worthy, our homes can be a Mikdash Me’at (a small tabernacle), a place where Hashem feels welcome. As the leaders of our homes, if we 1) focus on the good points and 2) lead our households in simple and sincere prayer, we can turn our homes into places where the Shechinah is happy to reside. Every small act of love, every whispered prayer, and every moment of dedication adds to the spiritual architecture of your home, much like the contributions of the Jewish people to the construction of the Mishkan.
Rebbe Nachman also discusses how tzaddikim elevate and lead the prayers of the people. As parents, we have a duty beyond daily caretaking: to spiritually inspire and teach our children. If we want our children to grow up with a deep connection to prayer and speaking to Hashem with simplicity, we need to emulate that. They need to see us talking to our Tatty in Heaven. Teach them what to say. Show them how to thank Hashem for every little thing.
Rebbe Nachman concludes the lesson by explaining that tzaddikim have an allotted number of neshamos (souls) connected to them—students whose prayers they help guide and elevate. Similarly, every parent has souls specifically connected to them, whether they are biological children, adopted children, or students. We are spiritually bound to these neshamos and have a responsibility to help them come closer to Hashem and achieve their tikkun (spiritual rectification) in this lifetime.
When life gets overwhelming or stressful, it’s important to zoom out. Look at the beautiful neshamos you have been blessed to guide in this life. Yes, they might be loud, messy, challenging, or annoying, but those are the aspects we need to overlook in favor of their sweetness, kindness, curiosity, innocence and all their other positive traits. Hashem gave you these specific souls for a reason, and He knows that you are the perfect mother for the job. And He wants you to recognize that about yourself, too.
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